Innocent. My intention at the start, innocent enough, just to be sure I wasn’t afraid if ever awarded another conversation. I thought, If I just study his expressions, get used to the hyper-intensity of looking into his eyes, I’ll seem normal in any situation with him.

BACKFIRE

I’m hooked. I’m struggling to stop. I know full well I have no hope. For me, to learn more in life with him, to have what I feel reciprocal…

He is like touching a cloud and magically transforming the horizon from shades of gray to a prismatic light that makes everything, everyone glow with a radiant aura and feel it.

I don’t want to stop. I want to feel lust, to touch true love…

But, I admit. This is how I break my heart in the end. I know he already has enough love in his life.

This is where I say fuck it and go fantasize. Consequences be damned! I sware I feel in love with that man!

(I don’t care how silly this story seems for someone my age, but I know what I am capable of, I know what I want, I realize depth is tough, I want more than feeling cold inside and jumping surprised when touched because it’s been so long since the last time. I unload the good, the bad, and the ugly here to keep me from losing my mind!)