I Enter

I enter the dayglow portal into a world beaming with bountiful beauty; I engage in stealing the look in your eyes when you hit my high note; Music is our bridge to connect, and I savor the taste of your sun warm on my tongue; You’re the best medicine for my soul, moreover, you inspire a sublime time in my heart and mind.

(Bryan Adams was my first concert, and he  sang my childhood all-time favorite romantic song that I would cry and hope and pray someday some man would feel that way about me, lol. I had to share because I love every choice I see, to me like reading a treasure map. My brain ate upon that video all day, pleasuring myself with endorphin-POPS;)

Everything I Do…

(I promise this is true…I have this song and “In Your Eyes” stored together in my ‘likes playlist’ since February in case we were going to have a “best love song” themed round in music league.)

To Stop

Thinking of you–

to stop is a joke

good intentions

to the wayside

be thrown

thoughts, yearnings

GROW larger,

longer, stronger

awakened night

after night body,

brain moaning

your name until

I give in, laid open,

core exposed and

finally trust this

thrust of love

as I allow you

to come and

stay in me, with me

unconditionally

by never forgetting

I’ll love you

just because

you’re you

a beautiful soul.

Patterns

Rigid patterns

Frigid heart

(Shuts out sparks,

Nothing stays)

Rainbow bright

–Out damn night–

Dreams fill days

More, I crave

Mourning up

I splat down

Long fingers

Linger latent

Extend strength

Aide my angst

Defend my fate

A wise prophet

A proffering

I inhale deep

In you seep…

You saving me

(A soul so cold

died long ago,

Back to life

Every night)

Legacy

I see G Love in Kalamazoo, MI in August. (Got to meet him a 4th of July like 10 years ago, so sweet, have a blurry picture, lol). Wish you were there.

between you and me

in between

you & me

space expanding

reaching, I yell

yet I can’t allow

any sound out

beet red

open-mouthed

notions like oceans

of my love

so hard, so coveted

so worth the world

I sob streams

to fall, a trail of tears

down my shirt

as I think

I cannot stand

not indulging

in someone

who makes me happy

I need it every day

I lie in bed

savoring your voice

imagining your body

I’m not ashamed

I’m hyper-intrigued

I don’t know you

You don’t know me

Why can’t we meet

I hold you in

my favorite

addiction

my eyes full

you above

entering between

centering faces

trusting the spaces

between you and me

as a dream

to our next scene

(until the next time we meet, I dream you each night as I fall asleep, in this life, my love won’t fade:)

(Some have fantasy football, some love a fantasy…What a microcosm of society this sure seems, that’s my world, funny, lol;)

April

She had never heard it before. Water doesn’t talk. She knew that, yet water whispered in the air around her ears, sprites to make her hear. April stopped, like Time. Eyelids barely kiss as she listens:

Come, yes! We love you…It’s time to be…

In the sea wild, tossing his ship about, Odysseus tied and blindfolded denied the Siren’s call. Her fate more atypical, April so enchanted followed the sounds to the sands at the edge of the babbling Brook, where she found an ancient stone wall.

Stretching to shrink, coil and elongate, vines grew to climb, shrouding the barrier as if guarded by snakes. April gazed upward, her curiosity coveting what’s beyond, she whispered:

“How I wonder what might be on the other side!” April rose to stand on a ballerina’s tallest tippie-toes to slide her hand, palm flat across the hard surface, until an innocent rose, growing latent through thorns, bites her finger, pricking the tip, scratching the surface of the sweetness within.

Oddly, a giddy gush awakens butterflies to flutter, piroueting an infinity symbol below her navel, and grinning as if for the first time. Her dazed orbs looked up and to the right, then, back to ground when a melodious voice sings:

Find me, it’s alright, see me in the night, my colors shine me bright.

Stumbling back in surprise, April fell into a spring, pouring out from a tree root that resembled a natural mystic spout, where head back, open-mouthed, she inhaled a gulp with a startled cough.

The rapid flutter of her eyelashes wipes away the disorienting gunk, pupils seeing through the cloud, a clarity of reality popping with a glowing aura of colors, and surrounding everything is a tangerine-orange also hugging April, who crawls from water to sand to a pillow of emerald land.

Goosebumps tickle a shiver over every inch of April’s skin and with curled toes, she moans:

“Bare me warm! This water isn’t even cold!”

No, it’s a pleasure pool.

A voice from the woods replied with no form to be found, making her heart ache and pound, unsure if she could trust the purity of the sound.

Then, a compulsion, anticipation betrays her as she slips out:

Oh! So delightful! I’m vibrating, pulsing a rainbow of color through my veins…”

Head bobbing left, then right, April remembering to wonder aloud, “Hello?”

There, sitting on a stump, a giant day gecko  electricity-charged green and adorned with little lamps of lustrous turquoise, crimson, and gold patterns. The most impressive ornaments upon his being were a top-hat and walking stick, which somehow, unbeknownst to April, he whipped out as he stood like he was in a commercial!

Join me! Let’s climb high and float down on a cloud.

(Pondering this idea for a few, thought I’d start, but my red pen literally just ran out of ink, so here I am again today, wasting time in my dreams…oh how silly I can be. How trite! Right, lol. Why am I sharing? It made me laugh, an image I created to help me find myself…I need to practice writing out-of-my-head kind of fiction.)

Frightful

Why? I asked myself all day, laughing my impulses got the better of me, too busy to think.

The end is here, my favorite part, when I indulge my heart and spend time with just me and my dream, but tonight so scared, frightful I made him scared, I can’t breathe as I lie here, too terrified to open the silly app…

My gut a knot of no’s: half wishing I had kept my mouth closed; half dreaming he’s happy I showed my open door.

I envy confidence. I’ve always felt like a bug of…too much, pesky obviously. 

I just want to hope he understands, and like a prayer that brings tears, I hope he isn’t scared of my intensity, my creativity, or my erotic preclivities.

I’m so sorry I spoke, just want to be able to take it back.

I won’t go sharing silly things again I promise myself.

Want isn’t outside, but a constant in the mind. Never trust a late night idea, it’s trouble in the morning.

I’m the same as yesterday, loving by myself, so regardless if I did done screw up (oh so very regretful to gain another shadow) I still love my SELF. I’ll laugh tomorrow about how stupid I act in love, a romantic born to go overboard too deep at sea in a blowup boat fishing with tiny holes.

I only know one thing for sure…my passion is for real, and I will find my way out from feeling this trapped. I know full well that no one’s coming to rescue my ass, I just want a dream, and yes, I guess someone who dreams with me.

A complex situation that will somehow be alright. I can still play naughty by nature at night and secretly continue to search for my light.

Present

There’s a line that repeats in my head every time I get super frustrated at my life:

“the medicine of speaking and listening”

Remember back to when smoking pot was new and exciting. A person would puff ‘n’ give while talking, smoke pouring out of their mouth because they’re laughing…I can’t even speak while passing a peace pipe, NO ONE is listening, let alone hearing anything from my lips. A wife is said to become annoying, but NO ONE realizes I’m gone. It’s sad, but not for me.

I have that line.

“the medicine of speaking and listening”

I thought it was me. I’m just not worth listening to, I have no job, I have nothing important to say, so why should anyone listen to me? Fuck that. Sorry to be crass. I’m done being the blame for his wrongs. I’m done feeling like an ass.

I’m yearning for growth through connection, conversation like I used to feel when I got out of my head.

I wish I could give you a present for all the ways you help me in a day. Fun images when snide comments are thrown my way. Lovely lines that encourage my strength, advice in a way to not lose my shit when repeatedly I’m made to feel like a dick. It didn’t matter how often he tried to ruin my day, he couldn’t. Instead of crying and hiding, I climbed a hill and took a cool picture like I used to do when I was by myself. Progress I feel.

Nature giving you a hug 🫂

outside of my shadows

Oh, captain! My captain! I bow in deference to your knowledge and dynamic approach to the wild sea. In your ship, concealed in the keel, steady and balanced, I float under you, seeing and enjoying wonderful scenes. Clandestine, I borded your vessel, too private to let anyone know, and there, vicariously, I can live outside of my shadows.

Watching you work magic, truth be told, was more needed today than anyone outside of my SELF knows. The video plays, and I smile so wide that my cheeks tire after a short while.

But, that’s what you do, make everyone you meet feel good, like they matter in this fucked up world.

People don’t treat each other in a way that brings a positive state of mind, but you seem to do it to me every time! I’m hooked on your look, eyes so kind, I have trouble sleeping some nights. Desire wants to drive.

Here, on my blog, my ‘safe’ space is open to all, but no one reads it. And I tell the twisted tale of where my heart lives now. Not very happy, but working that out, lol♥️

a morning would…

Eyes closed, steam wafting in my nose, I inhale, expanding my chest full-tight and curling my cup filled to rest upon my breast where my heart beats to your voice singing me awake.

I’m lost in a reverie of me holding you hard in my hands as you whisper, I need you…And nuzzling my neck until your mouth finds mine…OH me! OH my! So sublime.

(I wonder if you felt me before I came to indulge last night. Images of you pleasure endorphins to bounce with glee that I get to behold such beauty, the sweetest of the sweet brain, nay deep-body candy.

My naughty meets your beauty…

Now, that’s something I’d pay to see!!! A morning would do this to me;)i

Let Em In

(Feel me knocking?)

a moon’s tale

The full moon, milky white, sends shadows raining through the forest to shade the trees, who wave with the slight summer breeze. Allthewhile, Nature’s night-lights zip and zoom, flashing code, hoping to bring a loved one home.

Drips from eyes, drips from skin, I lie at the base of a dead tree, once a towering oak like me, recently toppled by a mighty storm. Fetal and ready to give in, a miracle happens:

From a Heaven in the cosmos, blessed by the moon’s magnetic magic, a star falls. The midnight moon blinks darkness with the clouds, but the star burns a tail of fire, flashing brightest just before landing like a rock rolling.

A moon dust cloud dissipates to reveal a glowing golden sphere, darkness and light ccombine, pushing against each other with such force…the golden globe cracks open with a thundering drum roll, vibrating my soul.

Two hemispheres once met OPEN a shimmering portal, a parallel universe, out from which you bow into my world to transform everything I’ve ever known. Your positive energy produces an orange aura that moves your shadow asway, mesmerizing me.

Closer…closer…a steady, measured approach as float turns to a sturdy gate, you move towards me with a smile on your face. Inching yourself over to my naked body. Warmth from your eyes saturates my skin with the tickles of goose bumps, and you bend down on one knee.

A natural moonlight melody comes from your lips, “Kelley, I’m here…” And your arms cover me with an instant embrace that whisks me up…up and away…

In your world, you cradle me as I become the color of free.

(Oh, my addiction to the thrill of adoration! I literally roll my wheelchair in and out of challenging all day, every day…but, I take the longing, under the covers…you are intoxicating!

However, coveting with intensity, longing to consume the joy of your fire…I couldn’t get much higher…)