late night snack

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Peeling down the yellow-bright skin, the insides await ice cream. I whip dollops of cream upon my sweet dream, and drizzle the top with chocolate syrup. The first spoonful carries all the flavor up to my lips, tongue salivating creeps a tip to stick and lick…OH, sooo good.

As I made my late night snack, you came to mind. I could eat you, not like with bites I swallow, but I can’t stop pondering, watching in my mind, my mouth on your body. I’m trying to be cool. I’m attempting coy. I struggle to find the right words that express…what? I want to be friends? Well, yes…yet, I have that devilish other side that wants you to be mine.

So, my days of summer are over, and fall makes me catch my breath, terrified of what’s next because I always seem to say too much and in the end lose out. Maybe you will magically hear me (unlike literally everyone in my life) and tell me that you feel me, and everything is gonna be alright.

Each morning and as I fall asleep every evening, I indulge in the dream as if it’s real, sucking in the sweetness, never full.

squeeze me…please

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I’ve been through a lot over the last three decades since I’ve been an adult. I moved umpteen times, but despite the states having different weather, I could never escape myself. I rode darkness like a wave through days as if all in me was OK. All-encompassing love became an unattainable dream, never to be reality. And I settled into my bed, and I satisfied myself…that was fine til I die, which, of course, will be coming soon, spinal cord injury makes old a body like mine, I think, God, how much longer can I survive?

You…then, you…your energy electrified my insides with passion not pain!

I find myself feeling things I CANNOT explain.

I want for something I know is not for someone like me.

For the first time, I know why I don’t feel complete.

The gulp that gets stuck in my throat, taking away my breath…the need to feel you, to have you squeeze me, drives me insane.

The crave almost hurts. I can’t turn you off, the feel of you so sweet, I keep hitting repeat…

First Time

Macy did a perfect job explaining the emotional impact you make in my world. Oh, my muse, I adore you making my sweet spot sore, I come wanting more.

Fire

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I burn fire-hot, my natural temp when emotions come up, and I sware I try to put my little love-genie back in its lamp, but up and up and up the smoke creeps deep while I sleep, then I wake, and I bake the sweetest treat of you and me making love in the morning…

Well Seasoned Love

A beacon of hope for real love, something I’d lost that you gave back.

Two Birds

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Sitting on your wall, I call. Music bopping, tail feathers hopping, beaks bobbing. Alone, stimulated and invigorated, eyes glowing in the blue aura you left in my mind, I search for you in the sky, a friend flying by, willing to stop for a dancing flutter or a joke, or maybe a quick poke…

Sunday Vibe

This is a true story now:

My last concert this year was G Love, who I adore. Instead of a necklace for my 50th bday, I chose to get VIP passes for his Meet-n-Greet in Michigan. Instead of chilling with me when we got to the hotel, my other went Frisbee golfing. Moods were good. Then, the wait…we were us that night. Me leaving him to go take weird pictures as he never looked up from his phone, great pre-show where I asked too many questions, then he was pretty much done. I left, went in my van,  and listened to “Sweet Spot” took my hits, and went back smiling. By mid-show he went outside and I stayed by myself until after I told G Love thanks and good-bye. I happened to choose the spot right by where his wife and family were, and it was so touching to see how a husband and wife should treat each other.

I’m thankful that I had you to help me through feeling so happy and so sad.

There I am, One…
Until you come.
What do you see?

Phallic shapes are everywhere, lol;)

Bars

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A heart walled in by bars staked down to my gut and piercing me when I talk…that’s what my pain has done with time. A full-time job to upkeep, but only sleep solicits a sense of lovely peace from a brain that hates, a load of loathe that I can’t escape.

I want to be different. I want to embrace glowing! I swallow hard that feeling.

I’m always trying to find a way out…out of my brain, out of my house, out of my marriage, out…out…out DAMN spot! Out past demons that retain too much control! I rule my life!

Humble

And I dream LOVE!

So Much Love

Hoping you don’t feel as lost as I do.

Wishing you all love in your world!

truth bites hard

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Pure truth, that’s what I give now, the painful kind, the kind that rules my mind, telling me I’m full of shit to think this is going to get better, it’s over.

I want more than that in this life.

In theory if someone is there, you are not alone. Technically, I have a pair, yet merely an occasional sharing of ideas, of air.

I need more than that in this life.

I don’t come in anger, but desperation, searching for a way to maintain my daily motivation, knowing I stopped feeling anything.

I want what’s not mine, the dream.

However, I fear my favorite distraction, my secret dream needs not my thoughts in his world, full enough without some stupid fucking fan-girl.

Then, I imagine blues as clear as sky and fly high.

wandering wonder

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I’m aware. These days when you don’t know someone, connection is doubtful. Hope feels more like a bejeweled threat of disappointment.

The new moon’s face

a mask of clouds.

Two days of staying away from home and routine, well, I kinda crazy-crave taking in your light…to hear you speak again, that’s what gets me warm and bright tonight.

I can’t miss you (I’m sure you’d say). I disagree. You are a lullaby that heals me while I sleep, my sweet.

I wonder if I wander, putting me by your side, would you pet my mind?

a show

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Waiting in the hotel by myself before G Love. Thinking about seeing you again. It’s a dream dawning naked in the sunrise and my love as I close my eyes at night, inspiration that gets me through the bad times and the stars time making everything alright.

Help

Thank you for bringing me out of my shell and helping me to want to love life again.

(When he played this as my request at the meet-n-greet before the show, my chest sighed tears in my eyes, so touched I was in that moment while thinking of you:)

inspiration for more

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Instead of a jaw clench, I twist and bite my bottom lip. No more downturned scowl! I have a cheesy, pink-cheeked grin now. Lungs suffocating to finally breathing even when life’s challenging, that’s what you’ve given to me.

What you may not know is that I have a light behind my lids where you walk in the door, and you look into my eyes when I touch your skin…a moment that strengths my soul, inspiration for more.

I don’t know what we’re doing, I don’t know if it actually means anything to you, but you make my eyes smile so tight with pleasure that the corners become wet.

I wish I could tell you tonight that I dream of running my hand over your skin, learning you as you feel my hand move, a game in which we both win…

Oh my fantasy, that’s what you do to me. I want someone I can’t have, but who drives me crazy.