As you give an ass-slapping ride, Oh, I can’t get it out of my mind! Intrusive thoughts making me distracted and noticeably feverishly hot, tingling damp all over my body, wetting my soul so that I must cover my mouth as my brain yells, MORE!!! On my chest, riding your hotdog through my plump breast-buns straight into my mouth, filling me full-deep as you push past my lips, onto my tongue push, pump, pump, pumping yourself into me with pumps of passion unto I finally get to hear you cum…
Oh, maybe now I can work through my day, forgive this morning’s erotic fantasy indiscresion, but I had to get that out of my system! Inappropriate or not, I can’t hide from myself.
(Sorry, I don’t know how to share the adorable clip picture thingy of riding a mechanical ‘bull’ but a hot corn dog! I shit you not, it got me in a funny way that I’m struggling to ignore with an “Oh! I love you!” Yelled out uncontrolled, lol…I crack myself up sometimes 😅)
Ok so here, this helps to calm me as my theme music when life becomes overwhelming (from an absolutely adored album & my music league entry for round of 7min or longer:)
Piano Concerto No. 1
But, of course this is followed by one of my favorite love songs of all-time…a dedication, if I may be romantic and bold
You are the blanket that I sleep with, my cosy cover that protects me from my nightmares (the ones that used to make me yell when I sleep). Security singing me goodnight with a warm caress, the corner wrapped around my chin while dreams roll movies vivid…sexy…coming unexpected, coming…naturally, organic moments I don’t create, moments my brain has its way, and you’re next to me, kissing my desires like they matter…as for me, my lips eat you like my favorite treat, always so luscious, so sweet, especially when I’m laughing, cheeks sore from smiling so wide.
Yes, my blankie is so very important in my world. A childishness I cradle just before the clock strikes midnight, like magic will happen and one day, some day my blanket will come to life giving meaning to all my strife…
I know, I know, yeah right, lol.
Eyes finally closing while I write after a true storm that knocked out all power in my town, I have a truth: I found an out! I’m going to start cleaning across the street at my English teacher friend/neighbor’s house (she’s separating from a guy who’s contentious:( yet, she and I agree that I need a way to find FREE!
when things are missing or moved, if something is not done right, an ask for a bit of help, a word of advice, honestly, a word of any kind seems to earn a look
— trouble-shots of disgust —
I used to get an apology when he acted like a dick, now I just have a dick I never want to play with, and for fuck’s sake, I’m pretty desperate.
You tell me…after spending the day in bed from a hang over, then slamming a bowl of chicken down and spitefully spitting, “I haven’t eaten in two days and this is dinner?”
He didn’t remember finishing off the pasta dish I took to the party before he went to bed at 7:00. I told him that softly and took care of the kid.
He went back to bed.
I’m here wondering if he’s actually irritated I’m not backing down, not crying, not caring anymore. I’m doing everything the same, except I’m not home all the time to be his maid, I haven’t been treating him enough like a king.
I loathe that expectation.
My dad taught me a man wants to be treated like a king. After 20 years, I created a monster of expectations and disappointments.
I spent the last two hours cooking and cleaning, thinking about how I can escape tonight, where can I fly when it’s my time to feel something magical…but he killed it, reminding me right now I’m stuck in this reality.
I’m a Woman
Last week’s music league entry.
(FYI: Publishing this for 24 hours helps my brain deal with the fact that I’m not this, I’m not someone who shares marriage baggage until I can’t get past a new scar that opens an old wound…wish I could find some other way to deal, but as Popeye always says, “I am what I am and that’s all that I am.”;)
I have a lot to say. I have a ton of questions. Q and A is my favorite talking game. I’ve imagined us doing it. I think I’d wear you out. I’m kind of a lot. Each answer brings more curiosity!
How is it then that with the imprint of the utter kindness in your eyes from when we met, and yet you terrify me.
I think my intentions are good, however, secrets I keep within my heart, the ones I know are true, like my heart’s love for you, I stuff those secrets down deep, only playing in my heartbeat…
No one hears it but you, at least, I sware it feels like you do.
Can you feel me too?
You make me hope you do, and that’s the strongest tool in my world. Hope can change everything.
Dark shadows be damned, this morning as a block party began, I didn’t think I could muster the courage to go, so I asked myself, If he could, what do you think he would’ve said???
And I held his power tight, my mind ready to do that party right! And I rocked the night (a gummy helper to keep my anxiety bugs outta sight;) chatting with a political candidate and his beautiful Guatemalan wife, I mended beloved bridges I destroyed with old friends.
I used a little bit of latent moxie, and I’m triumphant! I made a positive memory!!! In the world of anxiety and PTSD, triggers are negativity grown like brain-weeds, strangling reality, so good memories mean more than gold, so precious that life without them is madness.
With my other sleeping until his hangover, tonight I’m happy cleaning alone, listening to my favorite album, dancing when no one sees, relishing my tiny success story, waiting to warm up my dreams with a lullaby, eyes dropping to us dancing cheek-to-cheek as I fall asleep.
All day, again and again, I bite my lip smitten by all the ways I can envision playing a game called “Sweet Spot” in which I suck all your sweets as my favorite treats.
(Reality readers: Wow, so easy to love this new track, to go sneak off and do it again and feel the energy that flows through my whole body as I listen (my naughty making my appetite so much more of a lustful craze-crave, but I know I MUST behave!!!
Oh, how I long to play…
Funny, kid in bed and him in the garage, I’m alone on a Saturday night again. But, that’s ok, I’ll just pull out a little friend, who lights up my dark by showing me a door that opens me OUT of my world 🚪;)
Hopelessly Inappropriate Thoughts 