hopelessly inappropriate

still

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Trying to be still, two wicks lit, one dancing shadow illuminates the lamp that shades my journal, trying to be still, too afraid the darkness encroaches upon me, but I’m saved by your reflection engaging in imaginative play, slaying my pain from the day, and I watch you move in my memory.

Trying to be still, I wait until my vision comes…

Sex on Fire

Dreams with you get me through. All I want is my late night peek, ohhh, just a bit to satisfy this addict? I promise I’ll be quiet, and then, I’ll be able to fall asleep, thinking about some kind of wonderful…

Invisible

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I don’t fight my ghosts anymore, but I fight being a ghost. My words ignored, my voice annoying…no one notices I stopped speaking. No one caring I left again.

I think that’s why it made me cry when you said, “I see you.”

I believe you more than anyone around me, because if you were to be talking to me, then you’ve read my writing and know me better than anybody.

You keep doing things, saying things, singing things that fit together to create such an intimacy with the real me, I can’t help but create our story one moment at a time to calm my firey mind.

(Honestly, I don’t think you would say to me the ugly, mean things others think are funny.)

You help me build a place where I feel the warmth of love, protecting me like a fire in a forest of real and imaginary creatures.

I live happy with the possibility that some day you’ll come back to me, and each day, I promise, you inspire me to create, to dream.

I hope you know how important you are, filled with brilliance, my star🌟

Within the Belly

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The storm rages,

waves and rain

pelting our ship

with disenchanted hope.

Tumultuous ups

and downs throw us

about the abyss,

spanking our vessel

for trying to challenge fate,

as if Apollo himself

swirls his trident, laughing

at the discombobulation

of his creation.

Submerged in the sea,

in belly of the beast,

is a cabin I built

for you and me, a place

for us to meet and live happy…

Here, I lie with you holding me,

snuggled together

–a perfect fit–

and although the squall

may crash upon us,

through the stress,

in the darkness,

I find your eyes,

my door to a blue sky,

my rocket to a new planet,

where you whisper warm

wishes in my ear,

I love you, Kelley. I’m right here.”

And then your lips upon mine

BLOWS us into the stars of time.

(I pulled this from my journal, wrote it while sad a few ago. Then, I found this song, and I found a connection in the parallel. You blow my mind, Zach! Wish I had the balls to tell you this in real life;)

Let It Be Sung
Transcendental Power❤️‍🔥🥰

Yes, I’m acting like a child…and I love it. You’re never too old to fall in love slow❤️

My favorite part of the day is thinking of if I were with you, what would I do, what would I say…when I feel you’re near, everything seems crystal clear.

“Hold onto the dream, but not too tightly.”

Ouch!! Arrow through the heart. Oh my muse, my love you’ve won.

My sweet prince, you’re a big star. With you, I go far.

your adventurous soul

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The flame pervades my entire being, from head to heart, and flickers tickle my toes as my vision absorbs your adventurous soul, building this intense elation…an elevation of emotions begins to overflow my body covered by a damp that makes me glow.

Oh my muse, I can’t help but love you. You deserve the beauty you provide by living life before the world’s eyes.

You brought me back to life. I struggle to control my impulses to watch you to sleep every night, but I realize that’s a wee bit addicting 🙃 You’re such a luminous light through the darkness of my strife.

Beneath the Harvest Moon

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Bite me! Prove you’re real.

Pinch me! Place my nipple erect between your teeth and nip a pinch of pleasure. Make a moan surge from out my mouth as your lips kiss my lips, wet ready for your dick to slip itself hard in, mounting and mounting your rock-head, pounding and pounding, filling me whole with pleasing pushes of passion whilst you poke, poke, poke at my soul, making us sing a duet of moans as you move in and out, in and out of my passion’s home, elation building in our bodies to slap, smack, and caress our core-connection as we fuck ourselves into a crechendo and we cum together beneath the eye of a Harvest Moon…

Knowing what we feel is true.

(Spinning like ballet dancers images of you and me cuddling in dreams of stunning scenes keep coming, a pleasure my face can’t hide as if you actually penitrated me, though it was in my mind…You make me crave in a craze kinda way just by smiling, imagine how it’d be in reality…

OOOHHH, BABY!

FEED ME MY CRAVING!

That moon does a number on me, kinda reminds of the girl I used to be, lol;)

Paralyzed by Fear (updated)

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I do everything to do it, prepare and pump myself up, then instead, I do everything BUT DO IT! The frustration with myself eventually led me here, out of journal, seething.

One might wonder: What is IT?

Often logical like making and keeping medical appointments, shopping, and paying bills, those things now relative to PTSD that evoke emotions of pain, struggle, and loss I’ve endured.

Other ways I find myself paralyzed, though similar in the ‘why’ my fear is so great to be hurt, are more irrational, like what I’m currently dealing with…

Long story long, I asked him a question about his writing, and I’m scared to go back to see the reply…

OR the lack thereof…I guess therein is my problem. He’s been so kind in the past, I fear he’ll tire of my interest.

I love my bubble 🫧 At this point in my life, the shell of me that’s left after 50 years is a bubble.

Too much fucking baggage, right??? YES!!!

I know.

So, what now…

I DID IT!

Fear conquered.

I listened to the voice that calms my mind, his words of rhythm enchanting my soul to dance, then it was courage I found with his wisdom guiding me back to look and see if I received a reply, and to my great relief and surprise, his face lit up my night saying everything right:

I love it!

He made yet another dream come true!!!

Honestly, I think my fear, deeper than it seemed, really was that I dared to reach out, to actually make our worlds touch, but didn’t realize I could lose it all by saying too much.

His eyes grazing my words brings an unparalleled warmth into my world. I have need to give him something in return!

Watching him sing, hearing my ‘make me feel high’ note, squeezes my heart til it feels as if it could burst, eyes in a wet-blur, lungs stop filled hot, and as he finishes, I shimmy a slight shake so that my naked breast slaps REPLAY.

If only I could give him my love and a great big hug…

Ohhh boy, I’m being bit by the late night naughty bug, imagining what’d be happening if he were here making my dream real.

Rain

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The rain keeps falling, but I’m safe. I’m beneath the covers, holding onto you just below the surface in a graze of hot air we share, and we float as if engulfed in a cloud, steamy-eyed listening to the sounds of our hearts beating the rain.

This tickles me to smile despite the dark clouds crying:

Devil’s Dance (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy)

innocent backfire

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Innocent. My intention at the start, innocent enough, just to be sure I wasn’t afraid if ever awarded another conversation. I thought, If I just study his expressions, get used to the hyper-intensity of looking into his eyes, I’ll seem normal in any situation with him.

BACKFIRE

I’m hooked. I’m struggling to stop. I know full well I have no hope. For me, to learn more in life with him, to have what I feel reciprocal…

He is like touching a cloud and magically transforming the horizon from shades of gray to a prismatic light that makes everything, everyone glow with a radiant aura and feel it.

I don’t want to stop. I want to feel lust, to touch true love…

But, I admit. This is how I break my heart in the end. I know he already has enough love in his life.

This is where I say fuck it and go fantasize. Consequences be damned! I sware I feel in love with that man!

(I don’t care how silly this story seems for someone my age, but I know what I am capable of, I know what I want, I realize depth is tough, I want more than feeling cold inside and jumping surprised when touched because it’s been so long since the last time. I unload the good, the bad, and the ugly here to keep me from losing my mind!)

A Dream’s Truth

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The dream is true.

We exist, dreaming of eating together the same peice of sweet truth. We listen to each other’s desires sung in the poetry of possibilities, a game of intrigue in which we spar scars and sorrow with love and laughter building trust in tomorrow.

The dream is true.

You are mine to play with anytime…

IN MY MIND.

I wish you were clay, and I could mold you into a clone of yourself and keep you with me in bed, probing you, pulling my fingers across every inch of your skin, nuzzling as I learn your grooves, your dimples, your lips with my kiss…

Yes, this is my wish as I shower away my sighs this morning, knowing my dream of love will only exist inside me, pent-up clenched tight, waiting for your light to do my dream right!

(I’m so lucky! Your voice through my day and reels at night help keep me going through the problems and pain as if you’re with me each day, except I barely say a thing.

For the first time since we met, I’m not afraid you’ll hate me or cut me off for something inappropriate I’ve said or might say some day. In my world, that’s more than progress, it’s truly established my trust. I struggle to hold onto people I love. Often it’s me who gets too scared to get hurt, so I run away and give up.

I’m trying to GROW UP.

Trust me, for the last 20 years, the wisdom in your music has helped me process my reality. Now, you really are a dream I NEED in me;)

I’ve been processing this feeling for a week and still don’t know how to say anything, lol.

I just keep reaching out to touch