Blue used to feel black, like a head whack! But, with a smack! back, because of you, blue feels bright almost a teal tropical skyline at dawn, shady clouds hanging out, shaking off the grey dew warmed to twinkle in the sun anew. When my melancholy mind is on the attack and all feels forever daunting and totally MAD, watching you transforms the blue and tickles my soul to make even my eyes smile, reminding me, things aren’t so bad, just find a way to laugh;)
hopelessly inappropriate
not pretty
Resentment’s ugly. He makes his sneer so clear with me at the butt of his insipid joke, and whether I’m an easy target or I’m the asshole big enough to constantly get hit, it doesn’t matter one little bit.
I won’t let him steal my spirit, no matter how hard he tries. I’m not a pretty picture, if you knew my life as a wife. I hate having this side, brooding alone in the dark long before the witching hour with a moon full, wondering…
What do I want???
That insatiable hunger, the need to kiss again, the longing to explore passionate sexuality, the desire for spontaneous body searches, feeding upon each other, laughing and loving, giving and receiving…
Ha! That’s not my world. Maybe I need a prostitute.
(I don’t write marriage often, and rarely leave it up long, but sometimes I just feel so stuck, laying next to someone who doesn’t know I’m there, I have to release my resentment so tomorrow my kids see me happy:)
flowing white
I want to lick the full moon, let it’s light flowing white, drip sips into my mouth open wide…How I love you perched hard ‘n’ high! Shower me with your power and make me come alive.
Satisfaction Reframed
To refrain
To restrain
To reframe
URGES come
bouncing balls
FIREY thoughts
needs & wants
To refrain
To restrain
To reframe
Playing PAUSE
Color calls
tempting Eros
red & HOT
Hopelessness Refrained
Impulsivity Restrained
Satisfaction Reframed.
Can this change my plot?
At least it assuaged my heart;)
Grounded
GROUNDED! I am. Hope is like magic to me. In a hopeful magic-mirror, I see a side of me that’s happy, electrified with new prospects of fun, giddy to grind with lust on my mind.
BUT Magic isn’t real. It’s a con.
When my brain gets too excited, it girgles naughty thoughts, and it tricks me into creating a story I want to hear, a fairy tale.
About my days, I go slow, eyes looking up, thinking in pictures of…
what if I found a connection
with a passionate friend, who tickles my fancy, OH yes, a muse for my fantasies…
Every look, every touch elevates your love…that’s how I wish you’d feel about me, addicted like I’m your very favorite thing.
Melancholy madness, knowing my truth. No magic can make me hope something will change. I’m doomed to accept my lustless fate, so I guess I’ll just go back to sleep.
YET
(I tell you true, this is happening right now!!!)
A yellow finch just now called my attention from my red pen bleeding onto my notebook paper.
Wheels turning I had to ponder, What is this bird saying?
He just keeps singing louder and louder, then I spot him high on a flexible limb, a cloud white floating as his backdrop:
“STOP! LOOK UP!”
He sang so lovely, not at all like the other birds, a voice and rhythm all his own.
Then, a sparrow chimes, “Just live…and be…love life…reality!”
As if stung by the sun, my eyes close, the pain in my neck feels like a knife in the muscle just turned, so a frown pulling my chin down, I wheel back into the cold darkness of the garage and close the door with a wrist-flip, twisting the deadbolt locked.
Enveloped by darkness, I see the remnants of that circle of light and I blink a quick-
CLICK!
Like a photograph, within my mind, I snap-shot this moment in real time where the moon eclipses the sun making me feel warm, less alone.
(I hope you never doubt your worth! I long to show you how much I need you in my life, or I swear I wouldn’t have been able to hang in this long:)
wrap around
I wrap you around me
a coat, my armor
protect me on my way
I shine reflecting
a lovely day,
exchanging frowns
for smiles, face-to-face
the world a better place.
Smoke Spirits
Let’s go back to before my accident…It’s 1990, a blowout bonfire at the end of school next to Midwest cornfield, I stood staring into the flames dancing hot waves, and I felt warmed deep in my soul, not from the heat of the fire, but as if an invisible smoke spirit floated from the bottom embers to smoke sucked up my nose.
I wondered then, as I do now again, if what I felt was true or just me way back when in a weird mood?
Tonight, with a puff of smoke (thanks to the dragon downthe way;)…
POOF! PRESTO!
Off to snap the net for the Mythology of smoke spirits:
I now understand my reaction:
Smoke Spirits
Two smoke spirits ablaze
Dancing irredecent
Shaping shadows
Two smoke spirits escaping
Ethereal displacement
Rising UP
Two smoke spirits away
A Transcendence
Feet to Ground
A new go-round.
Come, Get Away
Which are you fight or flight? Sometimes, like tonight, when I need to fly away, I’m kinda glad my legs don’t work, I don’t run, no, I go to bed. Hopelessly Inappropriate my proclivity persists, and I escape with you for a bit.
Colorado had tons opportunity for me to participate in adaptive sports while I lived in Littleton. I rock climbed mountains, I hand-cycled hills and valleys, kayaked ponds, and sailed a sailboat. I wrote this poem as I learned to sail around 2016 (the last time I tried to run away, in love with the dream that love should include passion, dying to make a connection).
Re-Wind Me, My Captain
Flying your vessel
With a siren’s wail,
I am the only way
To steer my course,
For you, my Captain
Leapt for the sea
Leeward without me.
I know nothing, alone
In the no-go zone…
But re-wind me
With a bellow, Captain,
I’ll come back to you
About the next puff,
For with you I’d sail
Every sunset of time
Even in waters rough.
In music league the challenge this round was to find a song about getting away by some mode of transportation (planes, trains, automobiles or other ways to get out of Dodge;) This is what I went with, a I mean it, lol!!!
Thanks for listening! Wishing you hopeful thoughts:)
A Joyful Tear
A joyful tear drops on my breast whilst watching the face in the mirror beat drums upon a colorful chest, reflecting what I want to be thinking, if only I could. Here, at the end of my finger tips, when there’s a mess going on in the world and at home, and I want to abscond, when I need grace, compassion, and strength, I’m so thankful to have a place to escape where I wear genuine smile for a change.
II
III
In the placenta-like sac of my soul a Wookiee pounds to break out.
Two fierce fists grip the walls, yanking open and tearing through.
The Wookiee be my soul re-born inspired, complete, thankful, free!
Just a Poke
Just a poke! Poke a head Just once…maybe twice.
Never before has it come with such powerful stimulation, turning my virtue into vice.
I inhale my Gorilla Fuck (strongest strain for the brain) take it all in…
A giddy girl again, preying on a man, I make him do whatever I want him to. And willing, he’d never want to leave, happy servicing me for an eternity.
In return, I’d fulfill his every need, and make his wildest dreams come true. I gorge on the ‘how’ as I sleep.
Upon waking, my reality redressed, I ponder why I find this so fucking funny a bubble POPS in my tummy!?!?
Hopelessly Inappropriate Thoughts 