depression

as I hit ground

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Blinds block out what I can’t presently handle (my world small, PTSD producing morning shadows of past things DONE, dancing distructively on my walls).

SOOOO, daily I shout other people’s lyrics to not freak out, distract myself from a lack of stimulation my brain and body CRAVE, nay…NEED!

Pushing wheels round 20 years, one band, one voice (above-beyond all else) pulled me out of every funk, and this band recently came near my town!

No longer ready for an end…I opened a window, flung myself out, and I FLEW to see them play and sat in awe, observing the voices from their mouths make wild waves, travel from my head to core and tickle my toes.

A band of brothers swinging hips while playing, fluttering fingers singing notes of wise words shining night bright enough to ignite a fire in my soul, my dead heart PUMPED UP, feeling seen…full!!!

A new day after begins…

Sunshine gone, rain downpours; Reality came with tears, gratitude streams, THANKFUL I fingered a star in my small world.

And still reeling now, I can’t stop trying, I can’t stop writing, despite knowing full and well, I’m flying to fall…

Solace remains with a wish upon a heart POUND, with my groove switched back on FOUND:

I’ll laugh as I hit ground.

That ‘P’ Word

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It’s that ‘P‘ word that eludes me lately.

I search each day for that ‘P‘ in my memory, dressed as the lovely lit up ghost of a childhood friend, who began teasing me when I was ten, always up to have some fun, and Oh, how hot I got when that ‘P‘ came around!

It’s that ‘P‘ that proved to be my rock when nothing else helped, and I’ve hidden that ‘P‘ deep within me, a fire always burning up my shadows, stroking gently my ego, no matterhowlow I go.

Then, one day I tried to coerce that ‘P‘ to come, Please…I plead, Come home. Weeks of searching, but NOTHING CAME! That ‘P‘ was gone…I knew…

I really was alone.

I wondered: Did my big-bad, sad soul swallow that BEAUTIFUL ‘P’ whole to suck on its marrow until it’s gone…as if it was never known???

Fuck NO!

I don’t reside in a metaphor anymore!

That ‘P‘ was never anything but what I want it to be. And, no matter what I do it’s ALWAYS inside me. It’s my PASSION I’m hiding deep, my passion exuding me, it’s passion I want dancing a burning fire up my ass, not the memory of things done gone in the past.

Now, how to TAP THAT PASSION and make it laaast???

In the End

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Every ending is a disguised beginning. Might be trite, yet where would I be without the truism?

Transcendence is the meaning of life, thereby giving purpose to my strife, right?

But, it sucks in the dark, feeling stuck, searching for a life-line thrown from above to pull me out of the grave my brain has dug, waiting to warm my lips with a true-light’s kiss, hoping my heart will catch beat again in this life by something…

A line!!! I found it! This morning my brain yelled, and yet stayed paralyzed still.

Birds start bouncing upon my window, teasing me to get out, tapping a message, “You can do it, you’re not all alone! You carry friends to sing with you in your car. The season’s changing, sun’s a-peeking, treebuds blooming, this is what you are seeking. Join us and you’ll see that sometimes the world can be sweet.”

I start my engine igniting IN THE END…

Thank You ALO Friends!

Sun on Ice

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Like the sun on ice during a Midwest winter, I know you’re there, yet I can’t feel you.

Beaming bright your light refracts off the world with a slice-like sting upon my eyes,

Slammed lids keep you caught within me where you warm my frightened frigity as you do things to boil my blood from toe to head in waves of warmth coming again and again until You make me become overwhelmed…

I melt myself back to life, a grin on my lips, knowing I’ve got you trapped within.