What would life be like if I could keep the faith, keep believing something I want will stay, you know, to NOT get scared and try to run away. As I roll down the road of life, that’s not my path yet I sware, in spite of all strife, I will always search for the light.
An odd morning, a dreamy atmosphere, wildfire smoke outside choking the light out.
Eyes closed, steam wafting in my nose, I inhale, expanding my chest full-tight and curling my cup filled to rest upon my breast where my heart beats to your voice singing me awake.
I’m lost in a reverie of me holding you hard in my hands as you whisper, I need you…And nuzzling my neck until your mouth finds mine…OH me! OH my! So sublime.
(I wonder if you felt me before I came to indulge last night. Images of you pleasure endorphins to bounce with glee that I get to behold such beauty, the sweetest of the sweet brain, nay deep-body candy.
My naughty meets your beauty…
Now, that’s something I’d pay to see!!! A morning would do this to me;)
(Feel me knocking?)
The full moon, milky white, sends shadows raining through the forest to shade the trees, who wave with the slight summer breeze. Allthewhile, Nature’s night-lights zip and zoom, flashing code, hoping to bring a loved one home.
Drips from eyes, drips from skin, I lie at the base of a dead tree, once a towering oak like me, recently toppled by a mighty storm. Fetal and ready to give in, a miracle happens:
From a Heaven in the cosmos, blessed by the moon’s magnetic magic, a star falls. The midnight moon blinks darkness with the clouds, but the star burns a tail of fire, flashing brightest just before landing like a rock rolling.
A moon dust cloud dissipates to reveal a glowing golden sphere, darkness and light ccombine, pushing against each other with such force…the golden globe cracks open with a thundering drum roll, vibrating my soul.
Two hemispheres once met OPEN a shimmering portal, a parallel universe, out from which you bow into my world to transform everything I’ve ever known. Your positive energy produces an orange aura that moves your shadow asway, mesmerizing me.
Closer…closer…a steady, measured approach as float turns to a sturdy gate, you move towards me with a smile on your face. Inching yourself over to my naked body. Warmth from your eyes saturates my skin with the pricks of goose bumps, and you bend down on one knee.
A natural moonlight melody comes from your lips, “Kelley, I’m here…” And your arms cover me with an instant embrace that whisks me up…up and away…
You cradle me as I become the color of free.
(Oh, my addiction to the thrill of adoration! I literally roll my wheelchair in and out of challenging all day, every day…but, I take the longing, under the covers…you are intoxicating!
However, coveting with intensity, longing to consume the joy of your fire…I couldn’t get much higher…)
Your fingers dance with me in my dreams, patterns of pleasure with every twist, every bend
A finger removes a lock of hair pinned to my cheek before you bow down to kiss me deep
I take your hand in mine, my lips carress each digit, opening a nip to envelop every tip
After having your hand hold mine, I want to go back in time, or meet me, come in my door
It’s in me. I know it is because my subconscious keeps showing me. The sizzle of the chicken on the stove, open eyes wake-dream your eyes guiding your lips to land on the skin just below my ear, with a kiss grazing my neck, you whisper, “I’m here…” And while savoring that sizzle, oil pops out to smear my glasses, you know, fate reminding me of my reality with a fizzle.
I don’t write sex anymore because obviously I won’t ever get what I wish. Recently, he killed my artist endeavors on Instagram too (made fun of me for a few too many things).
Despite all that baggage bullshit, sexy images popping up in me tickled me pink all day long…
It’s the most wonderful thing! It’s in me! Passion, lust, desire, wild-fun love are in me still!
I want to be seduced and seduce my muse!
I now know what I’ve spent my life looking for: someone who inspires me.
I also know what I cannot abide: being belittled and sexless for the rest of my short life.
(I started volunteering at a summer camp for kids with disabilities where my daughter is teaching art and STEM. Good distraction:)
So dangerous to me…a beautiful fear. Watching you sing, so titilating. I can’t get enough, so I tried to cut myself off. I refused for a day to indulge…
No!
I tell myself, trying to be good, wondering what you’d let me do if only I could.
And that’s what gets me into trouble. I’m new to seeing someone so lovely, so close that I get confused, hot emotions wild, imagining you’re singing to me “under the covers” when my mouth meets yours, and that beautiful fear disappears as I inhale you while you’re near.
I have decided to begin challenging my anxiety, push my triggers and explore how to see and do more…
Today, I did it.
I’m practicing leaving my house by myself. I must conquer my fears and vanquish the lack of confidence that have kept me trapped…
Idependence achieved! I went with a girlfriend to Michigan for the first time (with no family) in seven years. Baby steps, but it’s a start.
A goal: To find you, love, some day, some how.
You make up my bucket list truth be told.
When I’m grounded, an adult unable to control my world, I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you. Funny, I pretend you’re seeing me, when really I have no idea if we’ll ever see each other again.
My heart has already jumped on your ride, and you’re so powerful, you blow my mind!
In fact, like butterscotch pudding thick and sweet tongue-scooped to fill my mouth, eyes closed…the swallow…pleasure seeping into my body, that’s what you did to me today.
Oh…My!
Everyone asleep, I crave another peek, so off to the garage I sneak for another moment between you and me.
I wish I could give you even a sliver of the overwhelming pleasure, gratitude I feel when I see you. You cradle me when I want to crawl out of my skin, when I want to disappear, you help me find calm. I may just be talking to myself, but while I take you in, for a moment, I’m free, I’m wanted, I’ve got you to hold. A moment does my blues a wave of good, and I get to repeat that feeling while I sleep, finally able to touch you again.
Oh my, what a silly woman am I!
It’s unacceptable. I know. Silly, for sure. I have to purge before midnight, or sleepless I’ll be. So, here’s my unbelievable moment of honesty, with which I show the fool hidden deep.
I miss a video, well not exactly…how can I explain???
Funny how a song can not only bring back things unsettling, but also give a new beginning with a joyful memory.
His video, his voice, his smile, each creative choice did that for me.
No one knows that when I was about ten, I performed a dance routine during a basketball game half time show to “Dancing in the Streets.”
In dance and gymnastics from four to fourteen (when I had a car accident spinal cord injury), nostalgia when I hear certain songs can be unexpected. Well, every part of him singing was touching, and welling emotions made my skin prickly hot when he smiled, especially as he belted a beautiful “Chicago”.
A yearn began to dance about, urging my lungs to expell a belly laugh, honestly, like nothing I’ve ever felt, for tears too dripped onto my phone.
My brain wouldn’t let it go, so I had to figure out if I could find it again. Then, I searched…results:
Gone.
That was last night. All day, knowing it doesn’t matter that it matters to me, knowing it’s something I’ll never again see, breaks my heart repeatedly.
Lost, my confidence whipped raw, I think I’ll take a break from social media. I didn’t used to be so emotional!
I think it’s true…you stay the same age as your greatest traumatic event. For me that makes sense, I still act like a horny teenager, head up my ass.
My excuse is so simple: I want to feel good.
In my life, I’m only misunderstood.
(I put back up a bunch of old stuff, why not, right? If only I didn’t try to hide parts of my writing…)
I howl
Balance
OFF
I howl
Control
LOST
I howl
Instinct
HOT
I bend
Inhibitions
OVER
I bend
Positioned
OPEN
I howl
Desire
FUELED
FUCKED.
Full steam
A-
Head
Sucking
Marrow
Out of it
Licking
As food
For life.
Missed you are,
I have to say.
Mourning mist with
my eyes closed
wet by my cry…
Now, You I find:
Droplets glisten
on lustrous skin
newly cleaned
Just for me!
I drink a lick
from your neck
teeth massage
as you slide in
slow pushes, long
with kisses, caresses
spinning me round
atop Your cock
a bounce to hop
You in and out,
up and down,
Your hand guiding
my ass rock,
I arch You deeply
fitting you keylocked
COMPLETELY
an eruption we build
fucking each other
HARD, HARD filled
PUSH, OH!
PUMP, OH!!
YES! OH, OH, OH!!!
How I want to hear
You cumming inside,
moaning in my ear!
I must confide.
(To You: Not feeling you makes life dark, like I’m mourning the loss of you just before every morning light, yelling while sleeping, “HELP!” But, you’re not longer listening. I wish for a moment to feel your light glistening.)
