Bars

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A heart walled in by bars staked down to my gut and piercing me when I talk…that’s what my pain has done with time. A full-time job to upkeep, but only sleep solicits a sense of lovely peace from a brain that hates, a load of loathe that I can’t escape.

I want to be different. I want to embrace glowing! I swallow hard that feeling.

I’m always trying to find a way out…out of my brain, out of my house, out of my marriage, out…out…out DAMN spot! Out past demons that retain too much control! I rule my life!

Humble

And I dream LOVE!

So Much Love

Hoping you don’t feel as lost as I do.

Wishing you all love in your world!

wandering wonder

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I’m aware. These days when you don’t know someone, connection is doubtful. Hope feels more like a bejeweled threat of disappointment.

The new moon’s face

a mask of clouds.

Two days of staying away from home and routine, well, I kinda crazy-crave taking in your light…to hear you speak again, that’s what gets me warm and bright tonight.

I can’t miss you (I’m sure you’d say). I disagree. You are a lullaby that heals me while I sleep, my sweet.

I wonder if I wander, putting me by your side, would you pet my mind?

inspiration for more

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Instead of a jaw clench, I twist and bite my bottom lip. No more downturned scowl! I have a cheesy, pink-cheeked grin now. Lungs suffocating to finally breathing even when life’s challenging, that’s what you’ve given to me.

What you may not know is that I have a light behind my lids where you walk in the door, and you look into my eyes when I touch your skin…a moment that strengths my soul, inspiration for more.

I don’t know what we’re doing, I don’t know if it actually means anything to you, but you make my eyes smile so tight with pleasure that the corners become wet.

I wish I could tell you tonight that I dream of running my hand over your skin, learning you as you feel my hand move, a game in which we both win…

Oh my fantasy, that’s what you do to me. I want someone I can’t have, but who drives me crazy.

caught

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I keep getting caught feelin’ all smiling…hot.

I’m ADHD, so I constantly move, doing this or organizing that, unless lost in a reverie, seeing in my mind somewhere, someone beautiful to me. Recently, I find you riding me in moments where others ask, “What are you thinking about?”

I keep coming up with a quick fix, yet it’s surprising when, outta the blue, I have these momentary lapses of reason, in which I’m so happy…my face is sore wanting MORE! Boy, you nailed my sweet spot.

And though busy nights and days keep me from being able to find your face, images so very tantalizing I’m giddy waiting to go again, I love to do it again and again and again in my head with a lucidity that gets me caught;)

Door to Your Heart

I won a music league round with this song.

I just gotta see it again

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Immediate impulse

Swelling with hot pervasion

sparkler-tingles juicing me up

in my center, I hold my breath

I just gotta see it again

Oh, I growl, a craven sound,

“I want to eat you now!”

My eyes close imagining

my lips planting a kiss

on the supple skin

of your left dancing hip…

Hand over my mouth

a bit of drool coming out,

for I stop myself slow

Immediate impulse

Licking the phone

(Sorry, I don’t know how to share the adorable clip picture thingy of riding a mechanical ‘bull’ but a hot corn dog! I shit you not, it got me in a funny way that I’m struggling to ignore with an “Oh! I love you!” Yelled out uncontrolled, lol…I crack myself up sometimes 😅)

Ok so here, this helps to calm me as my theme music when life becomes overwhelming (from an absolutely adored album & my music league entry for round of 7min or longer:)

Piano Concerto No. 1

But, of course this is followed by one of my favorite love songs of all-time…a dedication, if I may be romantic and bold

lend your love to me tonight

Funny how my brain works.

Blanket

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You are the blanket that I sleep with, my cosy cover that protects me from my nightmares (the ones that used to make me yell when I sleep). Security singing me goodnight with a warm caress, the corner wrapped around my chin while dreams roll movies vivid…sexy…coming unexpected, coming…naturally, organic moments I don’t create, moments my brain has its way, and you’re next to me, kissing my desires like they matter…as for me, my lips eat you like my favorite treat, always so luscious, so sweet, especially when I’m laughing, cheeks sore from smiling so wide.

Yes, my blankie is so very important in my world. A childishness I cradle just before the clock strikes midnight, like magic will happen and one day, some day my blanket will come to life giving meaning to all my strife…

I know, I know, yeah right, lol.

Eyes finally closing while I write after a true storm that knocked out all power in my town, I have a truth: I found an out! I’m going to start cleaning across the street at my English teacher friend/neighbor’s house (she’s separating from a guy who’s contentious:( yet, she and I agree that I need a way to find FREE!

re-animate

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lost at sea, drowning…can’t breathe, sinking, the weight of life tethering my feet, my fate bleak

your anchor drops, deep dive, wrapping me in a blanket of light, elevating me, lifeless, from the bottom of the sea

blue and purple, on the deck of your rescue ship, in an instant, you know what to do, leaning, mouth prying

opening my airways, up-tilting my head, your lips cover mine, and you breathe…into me a new life

each lung-ful, a gust of wind, propelling momentum towards the true goal: learn to re-animate my SELF again

“HELP ME!” I cough out, and with love, I’m enveloped, warm safety caressing my skin, waiting for trusting to begin

Triumphant

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Dark shadows be damned, this morning as a block party began, I didn’t think I could muster the courage to go, so I asked myself, If he could, what do you think he would’ve said???

And I held his power tight, my mind ready to do that party right! And I rocked the night (a gummy helper to keep my anxiety bugs outta sight;) chatting with a political candidate and his beautiful Guatemalan wife, I mended beloved bridges I destroyed with old friends.

I used a little bit of latent moxie, and I’m triumphant! I made a positive memory!!! In the world of anxiety and PTSD, triggers are negativity grown like brain-weeds, strangling reality, so good memories mean more than gold, so precious that life without them is madness.

With my other sleeping until his hangover, tonight I’m happy cleaning alone, listening to my favorite album, dancing when no one sees, relishing my tiny success story, waiting to warm up my dreams with a lullaby, eyes dropping to us dancing cheek-to-cheek as I fall asleep.

seek & find

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I giggle, so damn tickled,

rolling hot, feel you fall

into my sweet spot,

teased tense, I clamp down,

and your hip beat slaps

my sweet, sweet spot

bam-bam-Bop

up…up…up

with a cherry POP!

But we don’t stop!

From my valley

to your rock-top,

together our possibilities

exploding inside my mind,

urging more seek & find…

You are my Srircha in this life;)

Sriracha

(Looking for a soup ingredient song, for music league is back on…this cracked me up, had to share, lol:)

Actually submitted this song…

Chicken and Dumplings

Per music league rules, of course, technically, chicken and dumplings are in soup too.

Nailed It

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I don’t know how, but you hit it…

No, I must say, you nailed it,

and it gets better each time,

in the rhythm a powerbeat,

your mouth, wisdom pounding

my own heartbeat, a breakthrough,

blowing melody in my sweet spot

through the saxophone sounding

a triumph awaiting our final coming

together we’ll fondle excitement

dance ourselves to empowerment…

All day, again and again, I bite my lip smitten by all the ways I can envision playing a game called “Sweet Spot” in which I suck all your sweets as my favorite treats.

(Reality readers: Wow, so easy to love this new track, to go sneak off and do it again and feel the energy that flows through my whole body as I listen (my naughty making my appetite so much more of a lustful  craze-crave, but I know I MUST behave!!!

Oh, how I long to play…

Funny, kid in bed and him in the garage, I’m alone on a Saturday night again. But, that’s ok, I’ll just pull out a little friend, who lights up my dark by showing me a door that opens me OUT of my world 🚪;)

Sweet Spot