romance

beautiful fear

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So dangerous to me…a beautiful fear. Watching you sing, so titilating. I can’t get enough, so I tried to cut myself off. I refused for a day to indulge…

No!

I tell myself, trying to be good, wondering what you’d let me do if only I could.

And that’s what gets me into trouble. I’m new to seeing someone so lovely, so close that I get confused, hot emotions wild, imagining you’re singing to me “under the covers” when my mouth meets yours, and that beautiful fear disappears as I inhale you while you’re near.

I have decided to begin challenging my anxiety, push my triggers and explore how to see and do more…

Today, I did it.

I’m practicing leaving my house by myself. I must conquer my fears and vanquish the lack of confidence that have kept me trapped…

Idependence achieved! I went with a girlfriend to Michigan for the first time (with no family) in seven years. Baby steps, but it’s a start.

A goal: To find you, love, some day, some how.

You make up my bucket list truth be told.

When I’m grounded, an adult unable to control my world, I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you. Funny, I pretend you’re seeing me, when really I have no idea if we’ll ever see each other again.

My heart has already jumped on your ride, and you’re so powerful, you blow my mind!

In fact, like butterscotch pudding thick and sweet tongue-scooped to fill my mouth, eyes closed…the swallow…pleasure seeping into my body, that’s what you did to me today.

Oh…My!

Everyone asleep, I crave another peek, so off to the garage I sneak for another moment between you and me.

I wish I could give you even a sliver of the overwhelming pleasure, gratitude I feel when I see you. You cradle me when I want to crawl out of my skin, when I want to disappear, you help me find calm. I may just be talking to myself, but while I take you in, for a moment, I’m free, I’m wanted, I’ve got you to hold. A moment does my blues a wave of good, and I get to repeat that feeling while I sleep, finally able to touch you again.

Oh my, what a silly woman am I!

Mourning Mist

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Missed you are,

I have to say.

Mourning mist with

my eyes closed

wet by my cry…

Now, You I find:

Droplets glisten

on lustrous skin

newly cleaned

Just for me!

I drink a lick

from your neck

teeth massage

as you slide in

slow pushes, long

with kisses, caresses

spinning me round

atop Your cock

a bounce to hop 

You in and out,

up and down,

Your hand guiding

my ass rock,

I arch You deeply

fitting you keylocked

COMPLETELY

an eruption we build

fucking each other

HARD, HARD filled

PUSH,  OH!

PUMP,  OH!!

YES! OH, OH, OH!!!

How I want to hear

You cumming inside,

moaning in my ear!

I must confide.

(To You: Not feeling you makes life dark, like I’m mourning the loss of you just before every morning light, yelling while sleeping, “HELP!” But, you’re not longer listening.  I wish for a moment to feel your light glistening.)

LOOK…SEE

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I don’t have to look to see, a perfect picture memory. Each reel turns up bright any time I close my eyes, runs as black and white shadows exposing my favorite plays, endearing expressions, rogue games of intellectual fun, silliness so sweet, I eat it up, starving for more treats, and centered deep as if tickled in a yet to be discovered part, I giggle with innocent elation for the shining star of my dreams, a musical angel who comforts me, teaching transcending pain to bloom a new beginning.

Oh, to share your air…to physically feel the energy flow from your fingers, from your lips, to observe your personality dance again…oh me, oh my, what a silly romantic am I!!!

I know better, no way, but I embrace the dream at midnight as I fall asleep;)

Lucky Charms

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Eating my Lucky Charms (containing marshmallow unicorns the size of my hand), watching the big-bad news with “Fareed’s Take” as my spoon splashes milk from my full bowl out, and my hands smacked a fingertip-lock up my cheeks, pinkies vertical bars pressing my pout back in, jaw clenched because I can’t do what I want.

(It’s as if I have less control as an aged adult in my own home than I had as a newly teaching twenty-three year old in Yuma barely able to pay rent in a nice part of the border town.)

Yet, I get to take a nap like now when all are busy, my chores are temporarily done, and I get to take time for stargazing in my reverie of a moment between you and me filled with glorious possibilities for how I’d end the scene, a phantasy to drive reality…

You are the ultimate lucky charm!

Oh love, how I dream you could come to me…I guess I can say that I’m phenomenal at this kind of hobby;)

What’s in a name?

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A simple gesture that means so much, using my name, I am STUNNED and touched. Each night you teach me. I travel to worlds I’ve never known. Oh, how I love watching you roam!

Rained out fun for my son, everyone already in bed for the night, except for me, ya know, usual shit at the usual time…

Yet…

Quiet is no longer deafening, I can pull up a memory and watch you sing, silently hoping some day to touch you again. Like shedding my battle-scared skin for a new image of myself, like my soul exchanging a blackhole for a sunrise, I’ve dared to enjoy the fall.

Honestly, I don’t think a personality has ever been more lustrous. Hot damn! I absolutely adore every piece of your puzzle!

Oh, how I can imagine, with you, a snuggle😉

You’re too addictive if I’m being honest. Of course, I want more. I have to push, push, PUSH my desire deep, where maybe it’ll fall asleep because right now, I sware…

I yearn to learn you more each night, traveling dreams to feel your light.

You Fill My Empty Cup

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Awakening

with a smile,

lungs full caught

p-a-u-s-e,

I creep my arms

from a cross

over my chest

to hands clasped

like butterfly wings

at the base of my neck,

remembering

the sweetest dream:

You knowing me.

As a perfect stranger,

you hear me better

than anyone

in my daily reality.

In my world,

everything I think

is so misunderstood,

lately I didn’t know 

if I contain

anything good.

You fill my empty cup clean full up with the most marvelous tea, leaves illuminating color in everything, a dawning of beauty within me. Sobering slow, enjoying every single moment as I go in the spirit of Carpe Diem! In awe.

to play with a wizard

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In the shower this morning, running late for a playdate, I listen to my daily dose of musical poetry when words I’ve never heard before ring true from my phone, and the images begin to pour upon my skull, drips of magnetic magic that transform to steam up the room, twist up my nose and tumble in my core…gems of meaning uncover themselves, bringing drops rolling from my eyes, closed with a wizard behind.

Bubbles gathered in my hair, I rinse, the dead down the drain with that wizard’s creative magic.

As dusk dawns my new day, I reflect for time three:

Oh, my Wizard, a spell more! My urges implore.

Finally alone, open door on my mind…Smoke fills the garage as I blow ‘Dante’s Inferno’ out, no longer a harpie eating the leaves of Hell’s Trees. Not me! I finally reflect the light of living!

Shadows dancing out of the smoke to past songs, until I feast on the novel burning beneath, in my heart, squeezing your image in my chest, ready again to feel your OH, so lovely magic notes!

Fireworks bursting all around me, I feel like Mickey Mouse as the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and while the Wizard sleeps, I want to play with all his tools! Innocent at first I tinker, but words with me tend to get away as things I shouldn’t think or say.

Therefore, overwhelmed with adoration, everything I want to say seems wrong, too much, just like me.

I didn’t celebrate July 4th last year, politically too pissed, but this year the explosions are going off inside me and I feel like the only thing that might help is to go lie down…allow darkness and the storm’s thunder to settle…and begin to travel to a magical castle, his hand in mine, and I turn his palm up so I can kiss the center as I look in his eyes, thank him for coming into my life.

The rest of the story is yet to be told. I love watching his stories unfold!!!

Boyant I Float

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Gurgling I flounder,

lungs burning, strangled

to suffocate in silence, and

just as I see the light,

I inhale the water, baptized

in the death of an old soul

to arise a new spirit.

The light engulfs me

(lips cracked dehydrated

dead head and limbs)

as I wave lifeless, and light

forms a plump bubble,

protection, wisking me out

from the dark depths

of a nightmarish abyss.

Boyant I float, basking

warm in comfort, support,

UP-LIFTED so very high…

as I begin to breathe,

as I begin to believe,

clearer my piece of mind…

Your chin cradled where

my head meets body,

breathing a breeze

ultimately refreshing!!!

Love Light

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sweet as candy,

as addictive

as lips part crack…

The layers of depth,

the hints of wandering,

the offering of perspective,

a journey of enlightenment

from beginning to end,

a glittering reflection

of intuitive introspection

this is what you showed me:

The open road of possibility,

the hills of the adventure,

golden fields, a canopy tree

the ocean waving the breeze,

even a pole calling me to speak

images of the beauty

I can’t see in my world,

I can’t find in me,

you expose me to a warmth

that tints my cheeks as fuchsia

as your flamingo shirt,

with my brain’s heat

pervading by body,

affixed I watch a star bursting

energy in front of me…

those open sky eyes,

the soft, gentle smile…

a moment I treasure,

filled with joy and laughter,

unlike any my brain

could possibly conceive

made my love light

again begin to glow brightly.

SHINE ON!

Inspiration to find my road to passion.

pulchritude

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Each piece,

a pioneering puzzle,

the ultimate game of intrigue,

even intimacy,

exploring how pieces fit together

but to bare the pulchritude

buried within the secret

life of another.

What do you see

in the morning

first light of day?

What do you do to play?

Do responsibilities get in the way?

OR Do you SIEZE THE DAY!

???

I can’t stop myself

from wondering along my way.