Choking, can’t breathe, suffocating as I swallowed my tongue trying not to speak, and I don’t know how much longer I can go before I BLOW!
I wonder how to change my fate when no matter what I say, no one seems to hear, no one seems to care. He crushes my voice, breaks my heart, two decades of sarcasm picking my wounds, and I don’t know how to go on…
There it is again! Giving up, giving in to the dark…
desiring a spark.
Resentment’s ugly. He makes his sneer so clear with me at the butt of his insipid joke, and whether I’m an easy target or I’m the asshole big enough to constantly get hit, it doesn’t matter one little bit.
I won’t let him steal my spirit, no matter how hard he tries. I’m not a pretty picture, if you knew my life as a wife. I hate having this side, brooding alone in the dark long before the witching hour with a moon full, wondering…
What do I want???
That insatiable hunger, the need to kiss again, the longing to explore passionate sexuality, the desire for spontaneous body searches, feeding upon each other, laughing and loving, giving and receiving…
Ha! That’s not my world. Maybe I need a prostitute.
(I don’t write marriage often, and rarely leave it up long, but sometimes I just feel so stuck, laying next to someone who doesn’t know I’m there, I have to release my resentment so tomorrow my kids see me happy:)
Which are you fight or flight? Sometimes, like tonight, when I need to fly away, I’m kinda glad my legs don’t work, I don’t run, no, I go to bed. Hopelessly Inappropriate my proclivity persists, and I escape with you for a bit.
Colorado had tons opportunity for me to participate in adaptive sports while I lived in Littleton. I rock climbed mountains, I hand-cycled hills and valleys, kayaked ponds, and sailed a sailboat. I wrote this poem as I learned to sail around 2016 (the last time I tried to run away, in love with the dream that love should include passion, dying to make a connection).
Re-Wind Me, My Captain
Flying your vessel
With a siren’s wail,
I am the only way
To steer my course,
For you, my Captain
Leapt for the sea
Leeward without me.
I know nothing, alone
In the no-go zone…
But re-wind me
With a bellow, Captain,
I’ll come back to you
About the next puff,
For with you I’d sail
Every sunset of time
Even in waters rough.
In music league the challenge this round was to find a song about getting away by some mode of transportation (planes, trains, automobiles or other ways to get out of Dodge;) This is what I went with, a I mean it, lol!!!
Thanks for listening! Wishing you hopeful thoughts:)
Hopelessly Inappropriate Thoughts 