marriage

mourning shadows

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I don’t reside here. I’m just preparing. Where is my voice? Why can’t I speak? Why can’t I just be ok living this way? Empty. Despite how I try to fill my space with a positive state of mind, I feel like I’m here just to watch until I die.

I refuse that fucking life. I sware I’ll keep practicing and getting stronger and one day I’ll do it. I’ll stand up for myself and find the voice of my authentic self.

Until then…I’ll just keep incessantly cleaning, my only form of control in my upside-down world.

Eyes Don’t Lie

This struck my chord as I sniff sweet coffee steam, the storm beating down on me and the roof over my head, lightning behind my eyes, shocking my brain to the truth of why I can’t help but feel insane.

But, I’m a woman, and I will survive.

I’m a Woman (Koko Taylor)

To do Done

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I miss reading. In books, I had adventures, I had friends, I had love. Finding the Canon changed my life first. The Awakening proved that a mundane life can hold captive a passionate soul. “Kubla Kahn” brought to life the floating pleasure-dome of Xanadu. So many lines, so much time enjoying the stories unfolding in my mind. Now, I feel dumb or blind to what’s good in life.

I don’t know how to do done? I can’t believe that this is my ‘it’ because I really don’t know how to go back from this emptiness that nothing I say or do can fix. I keep saying something is wrong, we’re not right, but nothing changes night after night.

Another day of me alone, dogs in the garage watching his wall, him talking to AI more than imaginable, for in my family it has already taken control, killing the creative soul.

Sound silent

Voice violent

Combat zone

Heart roams

Away alone

storms quiet

What would I say if I had my way?

Come, Get Away

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Which are you fight or flight? Sometimes, like tonight, when I need to fly away, I’m kinda glad my legs don’t work, I don’t run, no, I go to bed. Hopelessly Inappropriate my proclivity persists, and I escape with you for a bit.

Colorado had tons opportunity for me to participate in adaptive sports while I lived in Littleton. I rock climbed mountains, I hand-cycled hills and valleys, kayaked ponds, and sailed a sailboat. I wrote this poem as I learned to sail around 2016 (the last time I tried to run away, in love with the dream that love should include passion, dying to make a connection).

Re-Wind Me, My Captain

Flying your vessel

With a siren’s wail,

I am the only way

To steer my course,

For you, my Captain

Leapt for the sea

Leeward without me.

 

I know nothing, alone

In the no-go zone…

 

But re-wind me

With a bellow, Captain,

I’ll come back to you

About the next puff,

 

For with you I’d sail

Every sunset of time

Even in waters rough.

 

 In music league the challenge this round was to find a song about getting away by some mode of transportation (planes, trains, automobiles or other ways to get out of Dodge;) This is what I went with, a I mean it, lol!!!

Come Sail Away With Me!

Thanks for listening! Wishing you hopeful thoughts:)