I loathe when I’m hurt. I revert to a machine, doing and smiling, like everything is hunky-dory. I feign being there. Crying inside my mind, I wonder, why try?
Weeks of negativity, picking on what I say or how I speak, how I look or how I think, irritation no matter what I do…damned if I speak, damned if I’m too quiet, damned is how I feel.
SNAP
My fingers kiss-smack my magic back!
No one but ME can let someone else tell me what to believe about myself.
Blue used to feel black, like a head whack! But, with a smack! back, because of you, blue feels bright almost a teal tropical skyline at dawn, shady clouds hanging out, shaking off the grey dew warmed to twinkle in the sun anew. When my melancholy mind is on the attack and all feels forever daunting and totally MAD, watching you transforms the blue and tickles my soul to make even my eyes smile, reminding me, things aren’t so bad, just find a way to laugh;)
Night is the lonliest not-alone time of the day. The bustle is gone, chores done, and I rub lotion onto my sore hands. The quiet is deafening to me, being so near other people, yet no one notices it’s my voice they don’t hear…really, it’s just like I’m not there, instead, there’s a ghost or shadow of an energy that once was vibrant, sassy, sometimes even sexy, a now dark matter taking up space…Sometimes, I wish I had something in common with someone in my house, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel like such an ASS with a crazy, big crack.
Cracked glass clouded by steam,
the reflection skewed reality,
my face distorted, monstrous!
That’s why I cover mirrors.
Sometimes, someone sees me,
wheels making me too obvious,
and I ponder what they think…
“You’re so strong!” One exclaimed.
Muscles atrophied to skin ‘n’ bone
long ago, weakness whittled
from could to should to won’t
with my soul my gut’s blackhole
sucking up good, bad ‘n’ all…
It’s not the wrinkles or dark spots
aging looks back and takes stock:
Who were you? Who’ve you become?
Does your soul just need a hug?
LEARN TO GIVE YOURSELF LOVE ❤️
Hopelessly Inappropriate Thoughts 