I take you to bed each night, a bear hug to my brain as I lie down physically, emotionally drained.
I wrap myself in the memory of that voice, that face, warming me deep in a secret place.
I eat those lines like spaghetti, sucking out the meaning of life as every ‘Ooohhh’ makes me feel high!
I watch the open eye gradually close, time measured by light, and know ‘Stay strong, you’re not alone tonight.’
Fetal position at the bottom of a basket hanging by strings beneath a rainbow balloon full of hot air floating adrift up, UP
UP and AWAY
I want to stay high! In fact, I want the fire to blow me higher!!!
I know fantasy doesn’t last, but the only time I feel my heart beat is kissing a moment past.
Grass blades prickling toes
dancing as I lift a daisy
from ground to nose,
sniffing my eyes high
to catch the right cloud,
jump up and hitch a ride
sailing to sit by your side
take your hand in mine
and…WAIT to see what you would do
if you knew I’m so in love with you!?!
The swoon:
meeting your eyes
across the room…
oh my swoon,
my chest
like a balloon
enlarging
as you come
closer, sauntering
in my direction
with determination
for further erection
of our firey connection…
Oh my swoon!!! You.
Dark my thirst
to drink you in,
stripped of all
inhibitions!
I stare still.
In your eyes
I HAVE TO DIVE.
Blinds block out what I can’t presently handle (my world small, PTSD producing morning shadows of past things DONE, dancing distructively on my walls).
SOOOO, daily I shout other people’s lyrics to not freak out, distract myself from a lack of stimulation my brain and body CRAVE, nay…NEED!
Pushing wheels round 20 years, one band, one voice (above-beyond all else) pulled me out of every funk, and this band recently came near my town!
No longer ready for an end…I opened a window, flung myself out, and I FLEW to see them play and sat in awe, observing the voices from their mouths make wild waves, travel from my head to core and tickle my toes.
A band of brothers swinging hips while playing, fluttering fingers singing notes of wise words shining night bright enough to ignite a fire in my soul, my dead heart PUMPED UP, feeling seen…full!!!
A new day after begins…
Sunshine gone, rain downpours; Reality came with tears, gratitude streams, THANKFUL I fingered a star in my small world.
And still reeling now, I can’t stop trying, I can’t stop writing, despite knowing full and well, I’m flying to fall…
Solace remains with a wish upon a heart POUND, with my groove switched back on FOUND:
I’ll laugh as I hit ground.
It’s that ‘P‘ word that eludes me lately.
I search each day for that ‘P‘ in my memory, dressed as the lovely lit up ghost of a childhood friend, who began teasing me when I was ten, always up to have some fun, and Oh, how hot I got when that ‘P‘ came around!
It’s that ‘P‘ that proved to be my rock when nothing else helped, and I’ve hidden that ‘P‘ deep within me, a fire always burning up my shadows, stroking gently my ego, no matterhowlow I go.
Then, one day I tried to coerce that ‘P‘ to come, Please…I plead, Come home. Weeks of searching, but NOTHING CAME! That ‘P‘ was gone…I knew…
I really was alone.
I wondered: Did my big-bad, sad soul swallow that BEAUTIFUL ‘P’ whole to suck on its marrow until it’s gone…as if it was never known???
Fuck NO!
I don’t reside in a metaphor anymore!
That ‘P‘ was never anything but what I want it to be. And, no matter what I do it’s ALWAYS inside me. It’s my PASSION I’m hiding deep, my passion exuding me, it’s passion I want dancing a burning fire up my ass, not the memory of things done gone in the past.
Now, how to TAP THAT PASSION and make it laaast???
Youthful yearning keeps churning for just a fistful of your energy, fondling my muscles to move, kneading my ass to shake, squeezing me to twist ‘n’ shout “OH, YES!” real loud as you make my earth quake.
Oh, what a lovely distraction,
What a moment of reflection!
Stimulation, good vibrations;
Movement towards motivation.
I dance upon my consternation!
I’ll reach for the constellations,
Burning time with bright stars
Loving the ride will get me far.
The grind of incessant chores made less daunting with the pain in my reins, tamed by my intellect eating a moment.
A musing, I go to hopelessly inappropriate thoughts…
I want to
eat you
like cotton candy,
feel your sweetness
melt upon my tongue
so I can
swallow you
into my soul,
keeping you to hold,
sharing words
that fill me whole!
It’s witchcraft!
Yes! Witchcraft
will bring you back.
I know what
I have to do…
I’ll put a spell on you:
To me you must come
and give me some
desire dined to dessert
for me, you’ll work.
That’s what I’ll do.
I put a spell on you.
