Find the darkest space in your house, and that’s where I’d find solace. Hidden in a corner under a blanket reading, my mom would ask, “Are you a vampire? Get in the light or you’ll ruin your eyesight.”

I knew she’d be right, but I couldn’t stop looking for a dark place to escape, to hide from the human race with which I never fit, an alien feeling too much about stupid shit.

This morning trying to send my six year old kid to school, I lost my keys then my marbles, panicking as if bombs were dropping in my gut and head…I got him there late for the first time, and when I rolled the ramp into my van, tears came streaming down my face.

“What’s so bad about that, late is ok.” Some may say.

In my world, any small routine change can have horrible consequences.  Unfortunately, my high-functioning Autistic kid had to jump the uncomfortable hurdle of dealing with a change in his routine.

He did better than me by the end of the ordeal!!!

Overwhelmed is too often felt when it really just doesn’t matter at all. I think I convince myself that no matter what I do, I’m bound to fail at something before the day’s done.

I stay home, afraid of shadows, waiting for the return of my son, who gives me my love and hugs.

Lucky for me, I have a five year old at 50 to keep me young and living.