In my brain, it’s easy to escape into a creative day dream, in which I’m pampered with romance, interesting, and sexy, knowing how to speak perfectly.

Life isn’t that sweet.

In my world, as I lie in bed, mind bending towards the light of new giddiness, smoke rings of DOUBT cloud my focus.

I snap at myself, Eyes stare straight! Find the sun’s reflection!

I close my eyes, unlock the GLOW…

Stunning illumination ignights an avid hunger to reach out, touch the sun simply to feel again, to BURN.

But, I would never have the courage.

Unkind shadows have kept me trapped in a dark bed for decades as smoke-ropes ring around my heart, hands, and neck, choking and eating my self-esteem, reminding me how bad the smoke makes me feel.

Burned and plucked, my wings useless, I must learn to land, love the sun with a last longing glance, and bury my head in the sand…

(NOT dreaming of things I’ll never have because I’m warm knowing there is someone out there who gets to adore that beautiful man better than I can.)

Forgive me! I had to get this out of my head. Keeping myself from dreaming those eyes, those lips is work. Hopelessly Inappropriate thoughts are unsolicited, intrusive, and powerful, so I vow:

No golden sex dreams allowed, I changed my blog to reality, I will not give in to the addiction in fantasy.