aging

flipped the switch

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When I’ve flipped a switch, it’s usually negative: Turned on the TV, Clouded the crazy with the world’s storms, and then reaction, my switch gets flipped, my “Bitch Switch” that is, going on an incensed apocalyptic tirade about how maybe the world should end?!?

This time, believe it or not, I’m calm, watching things go down slow…

C-L-I-C-K

I’ve flipped a switch

ON!

Then, I fingered the intensity knob with deliberate care, twisting an incremental strength of light, controlled from dim dialed up to shine, ensuring I enjoy the progression of time.

self-dout flies

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self-doubt became flies buzzing round my brain feasting on the corpses of past hopes and dreams

I’ve tried to stop swatting at them, it never helps

do I have to kill them?

maybe if they eat all hope

all expectation

all imagination

maybe then I can finally find FULL

or I could just lose myself to the wanton wolves that already devoured my soul

who am I now? which way will I go?

I wish I could embrace my doubt and say:

“It’s ok, it’s gonna be alright, everything you do is done with love in your heart, don’t hate yourself because you are.”

Face It

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Cracked glass clouded by steam,

the reflection skewed reality,

my face distorted, monstrous!

That’s why I cover mirrors.

Sometimes, someone sees me,

wheels making me too obvious,

and I ponder what they think…

“You’re so strong!” One exclaimed.

Muscles atrophied to skin ‘n’ bone

long ago, weakness whittled

from could to should to won’t

with my soul my gut’s blackhole

sucking up good, bad ‘n’ all…

It’s not the wrinkles or dark spots

aging looks back and takes stock:

Who were you? Who’ve you become?

Does your soul just need a hug?

LEARN TO GIVE YOURSELF LOVE ❤️