I loathe when I’m hurt. I revert to a machine, doing and smiling, like everything is hunky-dory. I feign being there. Crying inside my mind, I wonder, why try?
Weeks of negativity, picking on what I say or how I speak, how I look or how I think, irritation no matter what I do…damned if I speak, damned if I’m too quiet, damned is how I feel.
SNAP
My fingers kiss-smack my magic back!
No one but ME can let someone else tell me what to believe about myself.
To refrain
To restrain
To reframe
URGES come
bouncing balls
FIREY thoughts
needs & wants
To refrain
To restrain
To reframe
Playing PAUSE
Color calls
tempting Eros
red & HOT
Hopelessness Refrained
Impulsivity Restrained
Satisfaction Reframed.
Can this change my plot?
At least it assuaged my heart;)
Let’s go back to before my accident…It’s 1990, a blowout bonfire at the end of school next to Midwest cornfield, I stood staring into the flames dancing hot waves, and I felt warmed deep in my soul, not from the heat of the fire, but as if an invisible smoke spirit floated from the bottom embers to smoke sucked up my nose.
I wondered then, as I do now again, if what I felt was true or just me way back when in a weird mood?
Tonight, with a puff of smoke (thanks to the dragon downthe way;)…
POOF! PRESTO!
Off to snap the net for the Mythology of smoke spirits:
I now understand my reaction:
Smoke Spirits
Two smoke spirits ablaze
Dancing irredecent
Shaping shadows
Two smoke spirits escaping
Ethereal displacement
Rising UP
Two smoke spirits away
A Transcendence
Feet to Ground
A new go-round.
Which are you fight or flight? Sometimes, like tonight, when I need to fly away, I’m kinda glad my legs don’t work, I don’t run, no, I go to bed. Hopelessly Inappropriate my proclivity persists, and I escape with you for a bit.
Colorado had tons opportunity for me to participate in adaptive sports while I lived in Littleton. I rock climbed mountains, I hand-cycled hills and valleys, kayaked ponds, and sailed a sailboat. I wrote this poem as I learned to sail around 2016 (the last time I tried to run away, in love with the dream that love should include passion, dying to make a connection).
Re-Wind Me, My Captain
Flying your vessel
With a siren’s wail,
I am the only way
To steer my course,
For you, my Captain
Leapt for the sea
Leeward without me.
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I know nothing, alone
In the no-go zone…
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But re-wind me
With a bellow, Captain,
I’ll come back to you
About the next puff,
Â
For with you I’d sail
Every sunset of time
Even in waters rough.
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 In music league the challenge this round was to find a song about getting away by some mode of transportation (planes, trains, automobiles or other ways to get out of Dodge;) This is what I went with, a I mean it, lol!!!
Thanks for listening! Wishing you hopeful thoughts:)
Hopelessly Inappropriate Thoughts 