motivational

Triumphant

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Dark shadows be damned, this morning as a block party began, I didn’t think I could muster the courage to go, so I asked myself, If he could, what do you think he would’ve said???

And I held his power tight, my mind ready to do that party right! And I rocked the night (a gummy helper to keep my anxiety bugs outta sight;) chatting with a political candidate and his beautiful Guatemalan wife, I mended beloved bridges I destroyed with old friends.

I used a little bit of latent moxie, and I’m triumphant! I made a positive memory!!! In the world of anxiety and PTSD, triggers are negativity grown like brain-weeds, strangling reality, so good memories mean more than gold, so precious life without them is madness.

With my other sleeping until his hangover (yes, I’m the always ‘dry’ one), tonight I’m happy cleaning alone, listening to my favorite album, dancing when no one sees, relishing my successful story, waiting to warm up my dreams in a lullaby, eyes dropping to us dancing cheek-to-cheek behind the light of my screen as I fall asleep.

Such a creature of habit, is it obvious that I’m an addict? I did all my fun young, now I smoke my medicine, drink my coffee, and deal each day with whatever shit is thrown my way. Don’t know if what I’m doing is healthy, but for the love of this life, floating feels so wonderful, it’s worth everything.

A Note

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Finger taps, gentle raps

tap  —   tap  —   tap

In a wait, heart aches

rap  —  rap  —  rap

Circles, thoughts pound

round — round — round

Intake, your new sound

Dear Muse: I eat your words, brain food that packs a punch, nourishment for life I need to get by, an inspiration encouraging motivation…Oh, the voice that calms the pain in my daily routine is priceless to me! I wish I could give something back.

Does love from someone you don’t know mean anything?

(The question cracks me up, honestly, sure he’d find it creepy,  lol.

Here and now, I admit that controlling my inappropriate impulsivity is challenging, especially when it’s such lovely fun to escape. I’ve had an epiphany over the last few days as that insane crave grew into a monster, and I allowed myself to practice taking off my armor.

Naked and vulnerable, I hope to share unabashedly in the future because that’s how I find lately that I heal.)

the color of hope

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I want to be part of the colorful tree, the crown, a leaf, a limb, the bark, a tap root, even a root hair.

I think about it and stare at what’s in front of me, walls, a roof, windows, a front and back door.

I go nowhere, but here.

Maybe, if I had the money, motivation would follow, but unfortunately, people scare me, I say too much, and mortified, I leave saying, “Sorry…”

Gregarious and fun, I love to be, so maybe, if I keep practicing, when I’m comfortable, maybe just maybe, I’ll find a way to fit into society. 

A monkey doing tricks to keep my spirit high, maybe if I again use Emerson’s tree metaphor of society and turn it into a lovely image…Yes, a visual of magic working:

“Nature always wears the color of the spirit.”

From blue to red and back again, I am everything between.

Alone or not, I can be my own fucking party!

Undiscovered Hope

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A creepy, crawling caterpillar can do it, so can I. I’ll find a way to a butterfly! The undiscovered hope is here. The light, the fire is in me, I hear the truth, I listen to the point, and I love too much the inspiration in his voice, makes me laugh and blush with innocence and joy, happy tears build release.

I hear the truth:

Undiscovered County

Baby steps, lol…

A new fire burns in me, I travel with it in my dreams where magic loves working for me.

Smoke Spirits

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Let’s go back to before my accident…It’s 1990, a blowout bonfire at the end of school next to Midwest cornfield, I stood staring into the flames dancing hot waves, and I felt warmed deep in my soul, not from the heat of the fire, but as if an invisible smoke spirit floated from the bottom embers to smoke sucked up my nose.

I wondered then, as I do now again, if what I felt was true or just me way back when in a weird mood?

Tonight, with a puff of smoke (thanks to the dragon downthe way;)…

POOF! PRESTO!

Off to snap the net for the Mythology of smoke spirits:

World Mythology confirmation 👍

I now understand my reaction:

Smoke Spirits

Two smoke spirits ablaze

Dancing irredecent

Shaping shadows

Two smoke spirits escaping

Ethereal displacement

Rising UP

Two smoke spirits away

A Transcendence

Feet to Ground

A new go-round.

Come, Get Away

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Which are you fight or flight? Sometimes, like tonight, when I need to fly away, I’m kinda glad my legs don’t work, I don’t run, no, I go to bed. Hopelessly Inappropriate my proclivity persists, and I escape with you for a bit.

Colorado had tons opportunity for me to participate in adaptive sports while I lived in Littleton. I rock climbed mountains, I hand-cycled hills and valleys, kayaked ponds, and sailed a sailboat. I wrote this poem as I learned to sail around 2016 (the last time I tried to run away, in love with the dream that love should include passion, dying to make a connection).

Re-Wind Me, My Captain

Flying your vessel

With a siren’s wail,

I am the only way

To steer my course,

For you, my Captain

Leapt for the sea

Leeward without me.

 

I know nothing, alone

In the no-go zone…

 

But re-wind me

With a bellow, Captain,

I’ll come back to you

About the next puff,

 

For with you I’d sail

Every sunset of time

Even in waters rough.

 

 In music league the challenge this round was to find a song about getting away by some mode of transportation (planes, trains, automobiles or other ways to get out of Dodge;) This is what I went with, a I mean it, lol!!!

Come Sail Away With Me!

Thanks for listening! Wishing you hopeful thoughts:)